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Category Archives: Articles
Women who Lead
Not too long ago, the aspiration of all women to break the invisible glass ceiling and take their duly deserved positions of power, authority and influence, was just that: an aspiration. It is no longer the case. Not to say that full equality has been achieved in American boardrooms, but significant strides have been made […]
Home Happy Home
HOME is a sanctuary. It is a place where we all unburden ourselves from the pressure and conformity of the outside world. It is the only safe place where we kick our feet up and let our vulnerabilities rest without qualm or apprehension. But I say HOME is more than that, and according to the […]
Planning For Future Separations & Divorces
Simply because two people claim an undying love for each other and decide to tie the knot, it does not mean that they have somehow unlocked the key to a wonderful marriage. We all know that marriage is what we do after the goo-goo, gaa-gaa- period has run its course. Something as important as marriage cannot be decided between two people when nothing that the other person does or says at that time seems intolerable because everything then is hot and heavy and it just seems to last forever.
Friendship Misunderstood
The most common reaction I get from most of my clients is when, during a session, they pause for a moment and say, "no one has ever said that to me before," to which I always reply, "are your friends honest with you?" To this question they always answer in the affirmative, but when I ask them if they are honest with their friends, then the usual but unfortunate answer I get is "not all the time."
My Beloved Wife
Not too long ago, I had a chance to spend time with a couple who has been married over 27 years. They talked a great deal about themselves and about the happiest and the most difficult times of their marriage. They told me what they loved and appreciated about each other. I want to share with you what the husband said to his wife when I asked him why he is happily married.
Ode to Tiger!
Your once-adoring fans are very upset with you, but not for the reasons you think. I am sure when you asked them for some privacy so that you could work things out with your wife, you thought the reason they were upset with you was that you mistreated your wife. That is not really true. Before you mistreated your wife with your "transgressions," you misled and betrayed your fans by leading a secretive life which they would not have tolerated had they known about it.
Long-Distance Relationships Mislead
When in long-distance relationships, we make every effort to put our best side forward so that our partners would not have a chance to see who we truly are. This is not an effort to deceive them as it is more of human nature to put a façade for those we are trying to woo. Unfortunately, accentuating our good qualities is not what keeps us in relationships as it is our partners' ability and willingness to tolerate our "not-so-attractive" side. Since no person has a natural tendency to expose their unpleasant side, none of us intentionally gives our partners the valuable experience to learn about us more than what we want them to know and vice versa.
Fighting Words
It is true that all couples fight and I am not one to express an opinion in favor or against couples having disagreements. Personally, I would rather they not fight, but no rational person—myself included—would ever advocate that a relationship subsists without any disagreements because we all know it is impossible to do so. But we can all agree that fights ought not be personal, and all of us need to learn how to fight properly. Thus the first thing to do is learn about the context of what is a fight?
It Takes Attitude To Fix A Relationship
In the last article, I discussed maturity as an ingredient we have to have for a successful relationship. Once we have maturity, there is also another essential ingredient we must have for a successful relationship. Attitude. Attitude is basically our willingness to succeed in our newly established relationship. By attitude I simply mean honesty. Relationships cannot succeed without honesty. I am not just talking about honesty between one another but honesty with oneself. Relationships are consensual and since they are consensual, they are founded on good faith. People enter relationships in good faith if they are reasonable in balancing what they want with what they have to do to get it. This balancing process pushes us all to examine our wants with our capabilities. It requires self-examination of the highest order. We often do not have to explore our wants and needs for the obvious selfish reason, but if we do not have the integrity to assess our limitations, then we are not being honest, and any relationship we embark upon based on such false premise is doomed from the start.
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Dr. Tseday Aberra
Clinical Psychologist