Fixing Your Marriage/Relationship

What couples ask of me every time I sit with them to discuss their situation is (1), they are tired of pop psychology rhetoric which, to them, says a lot but delivers very little, and (2), they want information explained to them in practical, layperson’s terms, but they also want a method of application that is practical and effective. They are not interested in a therapist’s abstract analysis which often leaves them with less knowledge than when they first came seeking counseling, nor do they have the patience to listen to a self-anointed raconteur who is forever in love with the sound of their own voice.
They tell me, “Doc, give me substance I can work with; tell me something I can go home tonight and try!” I tell them emphatically and with the shortest and most direct answer their question deserves: There is really no point in me telling you what to do because you know what to do. If you want valuable advice, I can tell you what not to do, and for that, here is one nugget that will serve you for the rest of your marriage. “Keep your ‘I’ issues to yourself. Your partner is in a long-term relationship with you to enhance their happiness. They are not there to play Porter to your emotional baggage or tolerate your immaturity. Keep your mess to yourself, and only bother them with relationship issues which are issues that are there to enhance both your happiness equally, not reduce it.”
If successful with the prospective publishing of this book, I will be able to add to the prior message, this addendum: “If you are really interested in learning what I am talking about, go get the book and read the chapter on The Three Entities which caters mainly to this subject. If you do, you will quickly understand that separating the “I” from the “We” is at the heart of the many marital problems you seem to be having.”