Life Simplified - Winner of 2013 Telly Award

Marriage & Relationship (excerpt from my upcoming book)

All relationships are agreements. These agreements are made by two consenting, free willed, mature adults to do things for each other in a manner that is fitting and uniquely beneficial to both. One side promises to do specific things the other wants and expects to get out of the deal, and the other person, in return, makes their own demands and expects to get the benefit of their individual bargain. And when expectations are not met and promises are not kept, relationships break up. For that matter, it is imperative that we all know and acknowledge that all relationships break up for two reasons; either (1) the parties who made the agreement do not want to do what they promise to do, or (2) whatever they agreed to, albeit in good faith, does not work to both of their liking or fails to meet their expectation.

When relationships break because of the parties’ performance, it is a PERFOEMANCE issue, when they break due to an error or a misunderstanding on how the agreement was formed, then it is a FORMATION issue. A Performance issue is when the parties—one or both—make promises they do not wish to keep because they do not want to. This is an issue of Immaturity. A Formation issue is when the two parties make promises they cannot keep or deliver even if they wanted to. This is an issue of Ignorance (lack of knowledge). Immaturity is a personal problem only applicable to the parties, whereas Ignorance is problem about the relationship, applicable only to the relationship. i.e., the agreement.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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