Ask Dr. Tseday: February 12, 2009

TG from Kolkata, West Bengal asks: I’ve fallen in love with a man who is from a different caste. Caste is very much important in our culture and to his family and they’ll not approve our marriage. He’s trying to convince his mother, but he told me that he’ll never hurt or go against his family. He said if he can’t convince her, he’ll not marry another woman. I told him to go against his family if they don’t approve our marriage. I think we can get married and then convince them together, but he’s not ready to do that. What should I do?

Dr. Tseday responds: As much as he loves you, he has told you that he will not hurt or go against his family’s wishes and marry outside his caste. This you should undertsand. Telling him to go against his family is not a very good or smart thing to do. Marriage flourishes with family and friends around. If you were to marry, you will have much misery coming your way. You will have a very sad husband who’s angry with you and angry he is now disconnected from his family. Your marriage will suffer and you’ll not be happy. I think you should end the relationship with him and seek someone who would not have to compromise himself or his family by marrying you.