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Just Between Us Women

The wife is the emotional head of the household. In most cases, it is the woman who is the most powerful and influential one in the marriage. She sets the mood and tone in the house, with the husband following her lead. He waits to react to her, and eventually does, by matching her mood and what she brings into the home. When she’s happy, he’s happy; when she’s angry and upset, he scrambles to restore her happiness — and his. A wife who doesn’t already know her power and influence should realize it quickly if she wants to maintain a happy marriage and home.

When a man comes home from work, the first thing he wants to know is where his wife is, what she’s doing and the mood she is in. Men instinctively prepare themselves for ‘handling’ females, whether it be their wives, girlfriends or even mothers. When a man comes home from work, he wants to know what he needs to do or say to have a peaceful and fulfilling evening. Husbands are generally very concerned about making sure their arrival does not create any kind of disturbance or distress.

Many men are terrified that they somehow may be an annoyance to their spouse or significant other. Even worse, a man will do anything possible to avoid having his wife take out her anger on him, whether or not that ager has anything to do with him or his actions. It’s worth noting that when a woman comes home from work, she doesn’t give any of this much thought because all things being equal, she depends less on him than he does on her.

Women have much more power than they realize because most men are preoccupied with their spouse’s mood because they know it sets the tone of the house. The wife hasn’t done anything to earn this power position; she gets it by simply being “the wife.” This power and influence can either build or destroy a marriage and a home.

One wonders, then, why so many wives manage to be perpetually annoyed at their husbands. If they have all this power, then why can’t they make them do what they want? The answer is not so complicated. They haven’t succeeded because a lot of women haven’t learned to use their power effectively.

The smart wife uses her power for good. She is happy, she makes her husband happy and she makes her home happy. The result is a happy and fulfilling relationship.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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