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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

A response to a 25-year-old woman’s questions:

1. He is 25 – it is time for him to go out and enjoy himself. If clubbing is not your thing, it’s ok. You don’t have to go out. But simply because you don’t like to go clubbing does not mean he too should dislike it. I rather he club right now rather than when he is 35. So with this regard, you have nothing say.

2.Regarding bad money management – he is a young guy who is poor with his money. Life needs to teach him about $. If he is poor in this area, it tells me he is still immature, has growing up to do. This is ok. You are not his mother, however, so it is not your responsibility to teach him about money management.

3. The fact than he listens to you is great, but it does not make the whole relationship.

4. Your desire for him to mature is just that, a desire and its cute. None of us has a role in other people’s maturity, however. Maturity takes place in its own time and space, as life happens.

So it looks like you’re dating someone who is less mature than you. This does not make it bad and it does not make him a bad person. It only means that you two are on different levels of maturity. That’s all.

So what shall I do, you ask (I’m sure you know what I’m about to tell you)? Find another guy whose level of maturity is similar to yours.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »


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