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It Takes Attitude To Fix A Relationship

In the last article, I discussed maturity as an ingredient we have to have for a successful relationship. Once we have maturity, there is also another essential ingredient we must have for a successful relationship. Attitude. Attitude is basically our willingness to succeed in our newly established relationship. By attitude I simply mean honesty. Relationships cannot succeed without honesty. I am not just talking about honesty between one another but honesty with oneself. Relationships are consensual and since they are consensual, they are founded on good faith. People enter relationships in good faith if they are reasonable in balancing what they want with what they have to do to get it. This balancing process pushes us all to examine our wants with our capabilities. It requires self-examination of the highest order. We often do not have to explore our wants and needs for the obvious selfish reason, but if we do not have the integrity to assess our limitations, then we are not being honest, and any relationship we embark upon based on such false premise is doomed from the start.

Let’s take the everyday woman as an example. When beginning a relationship, if she is truly honest with what she wants, she will communicate that to her partner. As the relationship progresses, her partner, per the unwritten relationship-building-rule, will also negotiate for what he truly wants and expects from the relationship. As time goes by, they both iron out their differences and come to an understanding by declaring their respective wishes as well as their duties, and off they go to Cloud Nine. Unfortunately, what often happens is that one party always tries to get more than what they originally bargained for, or later in the relationship, they start to slack off in their duties, knowing fully that there will be no consequences for such dereliction.

There will be no consequences because too much has been invested in the relationship already where no one can afford to leave. She wanted more passion and romanticism from him but never did what she had to do to get him to feel that way, and he wanted some vitality and exuberance but he always expected it all without ever having to work for it. Pretty soon, apathy and resentment settle between them, and as they sit in front of the TV watching some mindless reality show, they begin to wonder where it had all gone wrong for them. I can give you the answer in simple words: neither of you was honest with yourself when it was time to assess what you wanted in a relationship and what you were willing to do to get it.

Know your limitation and save yourself the unnecessary heartache.

Be Honest with yourselves…. And of course with each other.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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