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Damaging Fantasies: Part II of II

Women have to come to understand that they are to be available to satisfy men’s sexual appetite within their marriage. But this does not mean that men are free to wonder around creating fantasies from borrowed realities and importing them into their relationship for women to satisfy.

Once there is an understanding that your women are open to intercourse and intimacy whenever you are, then stop importing other people’s deviant fantasies and surprise them with them. Women need to be comfortable when performing sexually; they do not like surprises. If you want to try new things then those suggestions should come up in prior non-sexual, mature discussions. Be civil during these discussions. Saying, “I want to try such and such,” for instance, is not a beneficial approach. What is an inviting approach would be to just talk among yourselves, casually yet intentionally what you like and what arouses you. The idea is to get comfortable with your healthy sexual fantasies the same way you would get comfortable with each others’ bodies. This discussion should take place over a period time. It is not an abrupt, quick conversation. Allow time to understand and settle your differences. Give yourselves the opportunity to come up with your own fantasies and sexual experimentation; not other peoples’. Not those you imported from borrowed realities.

This is the ultimate goal: when you are not sexually starved, you allow your sexuality to grow in a healthy manner. Such health will take you away from seeking external gratification in the way your computer screen provides for you in isolation. If you are not sexually deprived then you would not have any deviancies, and if you do develop some, they will be the ones you share with your wives, which by definition would not make them deviancies.

Men: if you have mature and understanding wives who will give you sexual relief whenever you need it, then do not complicate the good thing you have by acting childish and irresponsibly by importing fantasies and surprising them, and demanding they look and act like the ones you have seen on screen. If you want to be treated like men and not be held hostage because of your biological wiring, then the least you can do is stop acting like boys and claim it is manly to do so. It is not.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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