Ask Dr. Tseday: March 7, 2010

V from Karnataka, India asks: I am a 32-year-old woman who has been married for four years. Please tell me why he married me if he wants to be his mom’s boy? Why doesn’t he want to support me? He doesn’t want to care for me. I am in still love with him. So let me how to get back my husband from his own mother so that we can lead a happy life? What might be secret between a mother & son, because he never crosses his mother’s line.

Dr. Tseday responds: Culture and religion play a significant role in your country, but I am uncertain the degree of their impact in your dilemma. Understand that the response I give you has not taken into consideration these two elements. In my opinion, you don’t have anything to “get back” since he is not “yours” from the start. He is not your possession. You don’t own him (he doesn’t own you either). He would have to willingly decide to come to you for a relationship. This means that your husband gets to decide how to live his life. He gets to decide to whom to commit and to whom to be loyal. He gets to decide whether or not to come towards you. The decision is his. You just have to know where he stands. This way you also get to decide to be with him or not. Remember, as much freedom he has to decide if he wants the marriage, you also have the same freedom to decide if you want the marriage.