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Ask Dr. Tseday: November 8, 2008

M.M. from New Jersey asks: I proposed to a great man and have been engaged since March, 2008. He was apprehensive about marriage because we were both in very turbulent marriage/relationships in the past. After the engagement, he told everyone we’re not in a hurry to get married. I asked once about setting a date, but he backed up and said “not yet” and mumbled about finances. He seemed nervous and told me to relax. I’m cautious to bring up the wedding and afraid to discuss it. What could possibly be the problem?

Dr. Tseday responds: What could possibly be the problem? Are you kidding? He does not want to get married. He likes the relationship just the way it is. Telling others he is in no hurry and refusing to set a date tells you exactly where he stands. If you are looking to marry anytime soon, he is not the one. But you already know he does not want to get married. If you had not known it, you would not have been cautious or afraid to bring up the subject of marriage. Pay attention to your gut.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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