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Don’t Be A Fool

She finally got the courage to kick him out of the house. She is now working on herself, putting together her life. So the other day, he says to her, “I’m willing to talk to a “neutral” person and work on our relationship.” He told her he wants to return.

Really? He wants to come back to the comfort and warmth of her home and “work it out?” Is he kiddin’? Does he not know that he has to grow up first before he comes back? On second thought….No, he doesn’t know this because she’s let him come back over and over and over. So why would it be different this time?

This is my thought. Isn’t it amazing that he needs a “neutral” person to tell him to Man-Up? He needs a “neutral” person to tell him how to act like a husband? Really? Is he trying to tell her that that a “neutral” person was the key ingredient that could straighten him up? So all those years he failed to fulfill his obligation as a husband and a father it was because he didn’t have a “neutral” person telling him what to do? “Nice line!,” I’d say, but she’s bought this before.

I told her this: “The ONLY time you even come close to considering taking him back into your home is when he has demonstrated he IS finally a man, NOT before. When he gets a job, gets his own place, pays his own rent, pays for his clothes, and feeds himself, you’ll consider. When he sets up a home neary by so that his children can see him everyday, you’ll consider. When he comes by everyday to have dinner with his children, you’ll consider. When he supports the home financially, you’ll consider. When he contributes in the care of the children, you’ll consider.” He has to do all these, at the very minimum, for two years BEFORE coming into the house. Then, and only then, should he be considered to return.

In the meantime, she ought not to sit around waiting to see what may become of him. She ought not put her life on hold for him. Instead, she should continue with her courageous journey of discovering herself and building herself from the ground up.

“CY”….stay strong.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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