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Ask Dr. Tseday: March 10, 2010

TT from Pretoria, South Africa asks: I am a 28-year-old mother of two who’ve been married for seven years. My problem is that my husband likes beer and spends most of his time at the bar. He goes for months without paying rentals or buying groceries. I have tried talking to him, but he changes only for a short time and but goes back to the same route. I am planning to move out of the house, but I don’t know if I am making the right decision. What is your advice?

Dr. Tseday responds: From what you said and what I gather, it does not appear that your husband has the maturity to be a husband and family man, nor have the attitude needed to take care of himself, his marriage, his children, or his home. I think your plan to leave the house is a very good one. But make sure you stay very close to family, friends, and good people. You’ll need their support and assurance, and their strength to stand strong as a mother and woman as you make a better life. Remember, it is not your job to make him a man or a husband. This is his to do. Your responsibility is to yourself and your children.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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