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Damaging Fantasies: Part I of II

There is misplaced arrogance in the disparaging comments women make when they talk about men’s insatiable sexual appetite as somewhat of a weakness, for this appetite is not a handicap but a natural disposition worth celebrating. It is a bit shortsighted and uninformed to think that men’s preoccupation with sex is volitional, and that with a little bit of self-control, maybe they can curb their canine-like behavior and act like the rest of us.

I hear such pompousness from women all the time; that because they find it easy not to succumb to their sexual desires, that somehow they are superior to their fellow men. Such rhetoric has the same intelligible value as when men assert their muscular superiority. Both positions may be true but they add no relevance to achieving relationship success.

Men’s sexual appetite is a sign of healthy vitality that calls not for ridicule but a mature discussion.

The first lesson women need to learn is that men are biologically wired as such that their sex drive predominates. Men spend more time and energy containing their drive, and not letting their behavior replicate their uninhabited thoughts. Their drive is so strong and self-propelled that, if not dealt with, will lead to deviant retort. It is actually understandable that men’s drive is so strong that when the opportunity arises to get sexual relief, they often go overboard with their fantasies, thinking they will never get another chance for intimacy; in short they get greedy and childish.

Men’s sexual fantasies are often deviant because they take place in isolation. Since their sexual drive is on auto-pilot, and seldom are there any women around with whom to share the experience, men resort to their familiar deviancies. Those fantasies are borrowed realities where they only become alive on computer screens. After a while, these images catch our fellow men at a very venerable state and fill their minds with ridiculous sexual experiences even trained stunt-people don’t dare.

Men: as much as I began this article by defending you from women’s pejorative commentary because such viewpoint only serves to feed a stereotype which pushes you further in the abyss of questionable behaviors, I will end it by underscoring that you need to do your part and stop acting childish and show accountability. If your women — wives and girlfriends — are willing to engage openly and frequently with you sexually at your leisure, then be thankful and show appreciation. Stop making these crazy images you have seen on screens yours and importing them into your relationships.

About the author

Dr. Tseday is a clinical psychologist and one of the country's leading experts in marriage, relationships, and self development. She advocates a unique and at times controversial approach to the dynamics of marriage and personal development, the necessary element for a successful relationship. Read more »

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